Sunday, September 21, 2008

Bill Maher Wants to Save Levi Johnston

Bill Maher has taken pity on Levi Johnston, the young man who, ahem, impregnated Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol. He's even gone so far as to create a website dedicated to Levi's "rescue."

In this hilarious segment of New Rules, Maher pleads with Levi that he doesn’t have to go through with the shotgun wedding if he doesn’t want to, telling him that “this is the 21st century” (at least in the Blue States) and that he has options.

As he said on Friday night's Real Time with Bill Maher:
If we can’t, after all is said and done, make this election go the right way, at least we can save one man. I’m talking about young Master Levi Johnston. He’s the 18-year-old Alaskan hockey enthusiast who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter, and the National Enquirer describes him as “a boozing pot-smoker who doesn’t want to get married” – and John McCain thinks he found his soul mate!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancĂ©.” Looks a little less white trashy.

But that doesn’t change the fact that right now Levi is America’s number one political prisoner. But Levi, you don’t have to be – this is the 21st century, at least in the Blue States. We don’t have sharia law like in Saudi Arabia, or Alabama, and as much as the Bible thumpers would want it, we still don’t have arranged marriages in America. You don’t have to do this – you have options. You can pull a Juno – f*ck, you live in Juneau! Or you could do what most people do with an unwanted child: give it to Angelina Jolie.

And if you’re worried about the baby, don’t – let’s get real dude, the way you are at 18, a baby’s better off not being around you – you’ll wind up losing it, or shooting it, or it’ll be on the bottom of your skate or something – just let the Palin womenfolk look after it for a while, one more infant in that Mormon compound they call a house won’t bother anybody – they’ll barely notice another kid at the table, and soon they won’t even remember whose seed it was that produced young “Trink” or “Truck” or “Puck” or whatever f*cked up redneck name they give him.

In any event, we here at Real Time have taken the liberty of purchasing the website And I will be happy to give the site over to you if you want to use it to get folks to contribute to some sort of liberty fund so you can get enough money to get out of that frozen meth lab they call a town. And even if the money doesn’t come in, listen to me, it’s not too late: just grab your skull bong, climb out the window, and get on the highway. I can’t actually come get you, or even let you stay at my place because I’m pretty sure you’d smoke all my weed, but just call me from a pay phone, I know of a safe house you can stay ‘til after the election, it’s like the witness protection program for baby-daddies.

And remember, Levi: California knows how to party. Trust me, the girls out here are going to love a big, high-sticking farm boy like you. If you play your cards right, in a couple weeks you could be screwing the lesbian right out of Lindsay Lohan.
Watch the video:



Anonymous said...

Bill Maher is delusional. Have pity on him. His worldview of meaninglessness gone to his head. He is not funny and ever time he is usually vomiting venom at anyone who resembles mental clarity and emotional stability. Put him back on his meds, reattach his straight jacket and send him back to his rubber room along with "Poopi" Goldberg.

lannie said...

We are going back to the 40's and 50's and the shotgun wedding--man are they that far behind up there in Alaska.

McCain embraces the young man like congrats this is so wonderful--well he would afterall marriage vows never meant anything to McCain.

Well lets see--we go from a stupid idiot to a foul mouthed ill bred idiot--republicans are really batting a thousand--what the h*ll, Americans deserve what they get as they follow like sheep. Brainless all the way!

Anonymous said...

Maher is dead on about this issue and most that he discusses.

Forcing teenagers to marry because they've conceived a child together isn't the best interest of the child or either of the teen parents.

If I can buy a "Free Levi" t-shirt, I will!

Anonymous said...

That pretty much says it all about this downright medieval situation. I thought that Palin dragging her quite visibly pregnant daughter to every photo op, exposing her daughter to the derision of the world, was the evangelical equivalent of the biblical stoning of the adulterer.

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder what Bill Maher is gettaing from Obama for all the free campaigning. He seems to have his nose so far up Obama's ass that I doubt he can see daylight at the moment

marion said...

Great show Bill. If Anonymous believes Palin embodies "mental clarity and emotional stability" then quick! someone put him back on his meds--he's a danger to society! And if anonymous doesn't care for Goldberg I can only guess the poster is a fan of Rush Limpballs.

PetCareRx Coupon said...

McCain embraces the young man like congrats this is so wonderful--well he would afterall marriage vows never meant anything to McCain. said...

It can't work in actual fact, that's what I think.